Best Day/Scared Shitless

Ash and I did my favorite thing (or favourite thing) today. Walked the long way around and down the hill from our house in Hataitai to Wellington City. We used to do it almost every Saturday before Tom came to live with us and we were afraid to leave the house. It’s gorgeous here today; not too windy, flat sea, no clouds and I’m quite happy to either swim or pull my longsleeves down.

In town we dropped jewellery off at the gallery that was going to be ours. Browsed and drooled over housewares, had brunch, tried on swimsuits and spent a couple hours at the library browsing and drooling over couches in design magazines. He really is my favourite man. Took the bus back up the hill and now we’re going for a swim.

The girl that used to live here got Girls Scout Cookies in the mail. I threw out her forwarding address, but Ash still won’t let me eat them. Outside of the library, there were girl’s selling Girl Guide cookies. Ash bought me some. They’re not the same, no Do Si Dos.

Just over a week till we leave for Texas and I’m already having trouble sleeping. It’s not just the fear of mortgage payments starting on the last day of work, but I’m scared shitless of going home. I’m scared it won’t be comfortable and home-like and equally scared it will. I’ve just, just gotten to a point where the heart is not breaking, where tears aren’t rimming, where my life doesn’t seem an impossible exercise in compromise.
I’m scared. Shitless.


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