Archive for the ‘Past’ Category

One Year

October 12, 2006

Sometime this week, I’m not exactly sure of the date, is the one year anniversary that I quit smoking. I remember the very last cigarette, knowing that it was my last forever and knowing that I couldn’t wait to tell my Mom. I also knew that the first question after telling her I quit would be, “how long ago?” and it was. I knew that when I said, “a week ago,” she would be disappointed yet cautiously optimistic. I also knew what she didn’t; in exactly one year, I would write this message and we could all celebrate that I REALLY did quit smoking. Boo-yah.

Five years ago, I wrote the very last entry in my very first diary. It’s not on the last page, but it will be the last thing ever written in that book. I was smack dab in the middle of my “quarter life crisis” as it is wretchedly refered to and desperate for the hand of God or a career counselor to annoint me with “the answer.”

Like everyone my age who grew up with hippy parents and Oprah telling us that, “anything is possible if you put your mind to it.” and “follow your passion,” I was sick with the pressure to limit my passion down to one neatly defined goal and then “put my mind to it” so that I could be the best at my chosen passion (which is also somehow implied in the message). Actor, writer, cartographer, midwife, advertiser, vagabond, momma my mind marched on and on and on and on. Completely overwhelmed I quit school, my job and my boyfriend.

None of it was a plan, none of it was “putting my mind to it.” For a year and a half I simply was doing and it felt right. I made a lot of good art and good friends. I took control of floundering relationships, I laughed all the time, I confounded my loved ones with my decisions. I lived without regard for other people’s expectations and was really, really, really free. I worked a job with people I LOVED even though the work itself left something to be desired. It was a raucous, joyous, simple and easy time that could have gone on forever.

The very last line of the very last entry of my very first diary is, “maybe I should travel.” I lied to my hair dresser that the reason I had so many split ends was because I had just finished a trip around the world and was too afraid to get my hair cut overseas. Somehow planted a life seed without even knowing it.

Five years later, I live on the other side of the world and my mind chants, “actor, writer, cartographer, midwife, advertiser, vagobond, momma and on and on and on.” And I get overwhelmed. And I write in my journal. And I KNOW that Oprah and my hippy parents are right. I just wonder what seeds I’m planting right now. But most of all I’m really happy that I FUCKING QUIT SMOING!!!!!!!!! because what more proof do I need that anything is possible?

I hope you all can take this as an excuse to stop worrying about “the plan” and realize that you are probably doing more planning than you know.

Love, Laurel

PS A special shout out to all my homies that quit smoking this year too (I can’t wait till you get to write this message): Dad, Emily, Evan, Jason, Hilah, Mark, Kim and Sigmund. A special FUCK YEAH to all of you!

Start at the Very Beginning

September 30, 2006

This is the very first entry in my first ever official Diary. I’ve got some older journalish type writings from before this, but I consider this the beginning of my recorded history. It was the summer after 6th grade. I was the last of my friends to turn 12.

Saturday, June 26th, 1990.

Dear Diary,

I got this diary last night at my birthday-dance. Several important things happened last night. Some of these are: Summer Mitchell broke her leg (my boyfriend was pulling her up of the ground when she fell wrong on the marble floor), I slow dance with my boyfriend Grant Morris- I wish he kissed me.

I got:

Black Umbros
Pink Plastics
$63
This Diary
Earrings
A Bart Simpson poster
2 Boxes of Candy
Chill Out
Concert tickets to Depeche Mode.

Well I better go now.

Laurel Jade Williams ’90

P.S. I also got a key chain and a windsock

P.P.S. Who’s Going Together
Laurel-Grant
Priscilla-Jeremy
Vanessa-Matt
Kelly-Mike
Shannon-Brett
Annette-Jason K.
April-Troy
Autumn-Steve
Hilary-Alex

Author’s Note: The entry was written in red ink that originally smelled strawberry-y. The post-post script was later edited with pencil scribble to denote which of these couples did not make it. After Grant, I went on to date Mike, Troy and Alex briefly. Last I heard Alex was performing in an all-male, all-nude play that focused on homosexual issues. Sadly, all of these couples were eventually scribbled out. In my heart of hearts I hope to someday add Alex-Jason K to the list.